In The Quest Of Undefined and Unknown

                         

 What makes you, YOU?

The passion that you chase in the wind?

Or the dreams you hold onto , even after a stormy day ;

The smile you throw at life while going through hardship ? 

Or the tears that roll down down the cheek after you cross the flood ; 

The look of love for that small fragile puppy walking down the street ? 

Or the look of indifference for the beggar sitting in the street ;

The bridge you build, the walls you make with the world ?

Or that fleeting thought in the heart if it's all worth it! 

Is it the longing for search of 'YOU' that makes you, you?

Or is it the indifference to the search but just breathing each moment and feeling it makes you , YOU?

( Date : 11/1/2016 ) 

The Old Girl in the new city

                                  Part 1 (taken from the journal from the date 16/10/17)

             

                It has been more than a decade now that I have moved from my native to Bangalore . I have stayed at student hostels, PGs, working women PGs, , shared room with strangers, made friends with those strangers, I have stayed alone, I have stayed in so many different parts of Bangalore, in a place where you need to walk for more than a km to find a restaurant to eat, also in places where if you throw a stone it will hit an eating place, so you get tens of options everyday to choose from, go and eat.

               So basically I have had my fair share of experiences of this city. But after all this time this city, for me, it still is like a kaleidoscope !! I change the angle and it shows me different colors and shades each time !! It never seizes to amaze me ...

                It has inspired me to spread my wings and fly to reach new heights, it has also made me yearn for the roots and go back to the tree searching for the shade and shelter.

               It has given me strangers and turned them into friends to share my craziness, weirdness, it has turned them into family, it has also made me feel totally alone amidst the same people and also my own family. 

               It has seen me turning into an ambitious, overzealous, independent, confident girl from a shy, rarely- spoken, always scared girl. It has also seen depressed , lazy, totally lost , ' I just wanna run away' part of me too. It has seen my ' Oh damn I am so lonely, no one loves me ' mood, also seen my ' World is so beautiful I love it , I love everyone' mood too.

               It has taught me how to be an independent person when all I wanted to do was go back to the nest for comfort. It has taught me to reach out to those  always available hearts when all I wanted to do was just hide in my shell and never see the day light.

               By the end of all these experiences , witnessing vast shades of the city and myself , it has left me mulling over my understanding of the city and myself . Is the city totally ruthless, making you feel like nothing among the vast crowd or is this a second home for you to come back after a long day and relax over a cup of filter coffee and everything feels alright at least for that moment.

               Am I that confident , I-can-handle-everything-by-myself , self sufficient girl or am I that I-need-pampering-occasionally kinda girl? 

               That brings me to a question , why people think that a smart independent girl never ever need a little pampering, comfort and support from others and why those girls always try to hide that part to keep on proving that they are strong? or a so called gharelu kinda girl also needs personal space and privacy and sometimes like to be independently handle things? On this - may be some other day !